The Effects of Being Nice

I've been doing a lot of searching inside myself as some of my posts have already made clear I guess.  Tonight at work, I once again heard something I have heard many times before and this time I've been thinking about it and adding all the times up.  I am told very often how great/nice I am.  I make a strong effort to be "nice" to everyone.  Not just the people close to me or that I want to get something out of.  Everyone.  And it does take a conscience effort so it is very nice to hear.  But along with that in many instances it is followed with a descriptive on how when your nice your going to get screwed over.

Now, I believe myself to be a fairly intelligent man.  But I do not deny my ignorance to many things in life.  When I look back through life looking for the examples I can see many times where it shows that my being nice was taken advantage of.  Where I got metaphorically screwed.  I honestly don't care.  I would much rather spend my life being the poor, broken down, lonely, old man who has been nice and taken advantage of his whole life than to change that about myself.

This all leads me to wonder, why?  Why do we as a people allow this idea of being nice will hurt at some point be the truth?  Why do we take advantage of people who are nice to us?  Is it intentional or natural?  I mentioned being nieve/ignorant about goings on but I truly believe that everyone is a good person.  I truly mean that.  Every single person I've ever known or haven't known is a good person.  They've made poor decisions and had horrible things happen to them and have therefore had a different view which became harmful to others but inside of them is a genuinely good person.  If only there was a key or cleaning product to remove the fear, hatred, and hurt from them, the good would shine through.  Have I unintentionally "screwed" someone over that was being nice to me? I don't believe so but I have also learned that rarely do people confront others when they have an issue.  They prefer to "rumor" about it to their friends/coworkers/family.

I cannot find the answers to all these questions and I will not even try, if I'm to be honest.  But what an amazing difference it would make, I think, if we all put the extra effort in to not let the fear of being taken advantage of stop us from being nice.  Not let the resentment of past happenings of hurt cause us to in turn cause hurt to others.  It isn't easy but for some reason I think that it would be worth it for all of us if we could find the strength to do that.  I know I am going to make an even stronger effort of helping when I can and doing the right thing for others more.  It just makes me feel better and that is worth it to me.

James

Answers? Where and How?

There are so many darn questions in life.  Some seem simple enough and you just choose and down that path you go.  Others cause you to really wonder, what the heck is to be done.  If it were possible to look at a detailed timeline of your life you would find that many of the simple ones you chose led you to the very ones that really tear at you.  My life has been mess, most of it in fact, and the only reason is me.  The choices I've made from the options I was given.  So, now, it really makes me wonder, what will come of the choices I'm making now?  Should I be making slightly different choices (are much different for that matter)?  Puzzling when you think like me.  I've been convincing myself that I'm a raving lunatic.  LOL

I Love people, I really do but things have happened over the last couple years that is starting to shake that.  My trust in life is in a state of confusion and I feel like I'm being shaped into what the majority of people are but I don't want to be the majority.  I want to be me!  One of the things I pondered a week or so ago was this, There are many wonderous things in this life.  One of the amazing things that I really enjoy and most people do as well is Waterfalls.  So majestic and beautiful.  I've been to many different ones in this region.  Each one with their own beauty and power.  Each one different.  Some are very wide, some very tall, some tiny, some weak, some strong (you get the idea).  And everyone seems to enjoy them all with all their differences but yet we as people tend to judge each other harshly for each of our differences and over time (many many years) has shaped us to be generally the same.  Groups of differences yes, but generally the same and with each group looking at the other group like there is something wrong with them instead of enjoying their differences.

I am confused also with myself.  I thouroughly enjoy helping people whenever I can.  It puts a smile on my face and gives me a place to belong.  I truly do love my "Born into" family.  My Mother, Sisters, even my brother.  My Aunt, Uncle, cousins, etc....  (My uncle I looked up to big time (still do) and I will have to do a whole post on him one day).  But, sadly, I never truly felt like I belonged amongst them.  I don't actually know why and I simply think it has to do with the fact that I'm different.  Like the ugly duckling in the story.  And no, I never felt as though I was adopted and I know for a fact that's not the case but I would imagine that I feel the same as someone who had been. 

So, I guess with all that, it's not very confusing to me why I grew up wanting to start a family of my own.  It was actually my dream in life.  I didn't want to be a doctor, or fireman, or police officer.  I wanted to be a father.  To this day I want to be and I know that even under my current circumstances I have every possibility to be a great father but it's much more difficult when divorced.  Throughout this week, I've decided, that I was going to tell my unfortunate stories to the best of my abilities in regards to why I am divorced and also of not being a part of my first born sons life.  Dustin Michael Mathlin is my first born son and I wish I had been more capable and strong enough to accept the circumstances and been closer to him like I am doing with my other 3. 

However, for now this is all.  I have many strange, possibly unique, philosophies about life that I will start documenting in my posts and would love to hear back as to how crazy you think I am.  I don't actually think I'm crazy.  In fact, I think everyone else is ;)   hahahahahaha 

James